You’re not supporting me, you’re hurting me

Photo by Jez Timms on Unsplash

Success is a long, hard, difficult, and lonely road.

The road to success demands sacrifices, insane work hours, and a grueling work ethic.

Sometimes this can become a little overwhelming, and we find ourselves stuck, depressed, anxious, or in the midst of a mental break down.

Naturally we seek for comfort in the words, care and love of our friends.

All of the anti-suicide and mental health campaigns encourage you to talk it out, all of our friends constantly post on social media about how they are there for us, and hence instinctively we do just that, we talk to our close friends, we open up to them, we allow ourselves to be vulnerable in their presence, in the hopes that their care, love, and insight can help alleviate some of our pain and frustrations.

We live in a society where we’re programmed to be entitled, where we’re programmed to believe that comfort is what we desire and is the ultimate goal, where we are misguided into believing that a overly high self esteem matters more than anything else.

Hence when we do talk and open up to our friends about our struggles we often hear things like this:

“You work way too hard, you need to take a break, you deserve it”

“You’re business is doing so great (even when it isn’t), you should treat yourself”

“You can totally afford to get yourself some Gucci and a brand new car”?

I understand the place from which sentiments like this originate in, and I appreciate the intentions, but these phrases don’t help me, they hurt me.

They create an instant sense of gratification, a drug that our society is addicted to, this feeling may help sometimes, but in the bigger picture of things it destroys the mindset needed to achieve success.

What you don’t understand is that I am not stuck in an emotional problem, I don’t need antidepressants, or cheesy flattery to help me, I am stuck in a physical problem, what I need is your support, and your insight into how you think I can solve this physical problem.

I can take all the drugs I want to take, all the medicine that there is, and when the sun sets I can gurantee you that my mental health will return back to square one, because none of the drugs, and none of the medication was able to fix the root cause, they were just numbing agents to distract me from the dire reality of my situation .

Instead of bombarding me with your cheesy flattery, why don’t you say things like:

“I get it man, you’re stuck, but you just need to work harder and push through”.

“Hey man, I get it, I understand the feeling, but hey you wanted to go down this road, you wanted to be successful, its a hard road, but you knew that and you choose to go on it anyway because the end reward was far greater than any of the potential obstacles and challenges, you’ve just arrived at one of those obstacles, you just need to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. If you don’t you will regret it”

I don’t want emotional pampering, I want reinforcements, I want you to be a part of my journey to becoming successful, I want you to help me become the person that I need to be to achieve the goals that I want to achieve, I don’t want you to emotionally jerk me off.

Regardless, 99% of people will never understand this, and continue to “support” their friends, family, and spouses by emotionally jerking them off in their times of need.

The end conclusion is that we are alone.

We were born alone.

We will die alone.

and while we are alive, we need to fight our demons and scale our obstacles alone.

People may watch from the sidelines or try to help, but at the end of the day, you and only you have to do the heavy lifting and ensure that the task is completed, for if you don’t, no one else will.

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Sharing the lessons that my life has taught in the hope that they will help someone.

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John Doe

John Doe

Sharing the lessons that my life has taught in the hope that they will help someone.

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